The Melancholy of Brandon Paul

Mental connection lost by emotional connections made of perfect distance fueled by desperate adolescence.

Replaced by an old feeling.

Denied tenderness.

Growth.

Loss.

Lonesome.

Never able to make mine, mine.

NOBODY Fucking texted me all damn day. It’s was that sadlife all day.

(Source: isleyy)

Q&A

? I’m so confused.

At This Very Moment

The girl I love is loving someone else.

Draft #1

Had this draft saved of this poem.

It’s something I don’t want to post. It isn’t my current feeling.

I don’t like this. I write, and write, and write with no accomplished feelings. I still consider everything I do a waste of time. I write to feel better in the present. I realize that people are just like me. Behind the lies and trust there are feelings. But those aren’t considering the thought of mutuality or complete regression. Everything changes. I’m over that shit. I’m completely distant. So far that it’s hard to see pass the past or even the foggy endorphins that are meant for me. I don’t care. I’m done caring, because caring is pestilent. Feelings are just a draft, you can come back to them when you want to edit or finish them. But when you get to it the feeling you had when you first started writing it is gone. I’m a looked at as a superman to a lot of people in my life but they don’t know how villainess I am. I obsess and conjure myself as a False idol along with an amount of self centered ideal of the world. I complain and blame but at least I do something about it. But I’m still evil nonetheless. At this very moment I want to kill to get what’s mine. Just to prove a point. Just to show someone who will never feel the anguish and loneliness I do. The upcoming week I’ll passive aggressively be with women, be on drugs, fight, lie, destroy, scare, envy and play with flaccid emotions of my peers and loved ones. I completely lost the thought of a human moral. I saw the American Dream of a happy man, but the dream of a sad man is not to have a dream. I don’t want to be anything, I can’t be anything but content. Left off of someones mind when its convenient for them. I’m not noted for convenience. I want to be a concern or a pissant of nothing. I hate this world, I won’t lie to you granny, when you left me, you took the child you knew with you. I’m angry. I see the lies, and hear the abuse, so I don’t think there’s any hope for me. Non considered friendships and love are lost in my eyes. I just want everyone to punish me. I don’t want to be in someone’s life.